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If I'm Not Yet

by Dreamspook

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1.
I am not old yet, but older still and makin’ friends is a fight uphill what replaces shared history at this age is just a script that’s getting boring to read every few weeks going out for drinks Is this as close as we’re ever gonna be? my best friend getting back from the road asks me “what’s new?”, man, fuck if I know don’t make me catch you up just wanna hang out with you since when did we need something to say or do? since when was friendship nothing but a dry review of separate lives tenuously tied? well if you wanna know, it’s become a lonely and slow grind I am not old yet, but old enough old enough to question what it is that I’ve got whatever I expected, whatever I’d planned didn’t think I’d feel as lonely, as lonely as I am for everyone who my love gave power to shape me there’s little there to speak of intimacy maybe it’s the midwest, yeah maybe it’s me maybe no one’s got the time but to work and to drink I’m not old yet, but I’m too old To have no one to make this home
2.
I’m not where i am I’m where something wants to be in a space what’s unmade waits kept by silent uttering as prophecy and as breath unreleased i promise for something to be once my will is mine again but when it is i cannot will on this abyss so deathly still but this is not death it’s stolen breath a choked nothing choking me non being oh my muse deliver me if you’re not true what will i be? i wrote my name into a sound and lost it without ever hearing it out loud still i expect to be found and in a torrent i will pour myself out so the fault is mine i am here paralyzed in existential fear if i’m not yet, when will i be? in this world committed to entropy for you and i, i need to see life fulfilling like prophecy potential turned actual oh my muse, to you i plead in a breath “let there be”
3.
i like my smile it’s not pretty, but it’s mine a little lazy on the left side from when it was half paralyzed it’s a story for another day and if it changed the way i see my face then my history still feels like empty space lost to people that i can’t replace who knows me now? now that i start to love myself who knows my mouth is a lake dried from the stories that i tell? if a face holds the moment of a landscape the record known only to those who’ve tracked the change and when a great rain falls on nowhere forming new terrain, new valleys for my face to spread through when i smile awash in petrichor, all the epochs of before who’s my witness to know and smile in return?

about

three fruits from a barren season

credits

released October 14, 2019

Songs written by Gabriel Jorgensen
Performed by:
Bass- Cooper Doten
Drums/Percussion- Con Davison
Guitar/Synth/Vox- Gabriel Jorgensen

Engineered/Produced/Mixed by Con Davison
Mastered by Huntley Miller
Album Artwork by Elaine Lee

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Dreamspook Minneapolis, Minnesota

Sigh-fi music created by Gabriel Jorgensen

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